your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
