We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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