you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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