my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
