Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
