Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
