last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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