So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
