my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
