Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
