Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
