So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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