On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
