we have officially lost it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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