I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
