What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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