i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
