I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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