Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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