wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
