i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
