I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
