Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
