im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
