finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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