3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mom said you looked used
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
