I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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