We won't sleep together?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
