Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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