Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
