i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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