Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
