I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
