I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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