Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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