You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
