I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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