Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
