Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
