omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Randomize
