how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
