margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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