Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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