dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
