Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
