Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
