apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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