my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
