I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
