I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
