My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its about making memories worth repressing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
