he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
