My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
