you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
