Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
