Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
