Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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