he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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