we're blogging at a bar
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
