in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
