I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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