I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
