dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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