Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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