no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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