I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
