Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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